Written by contributing blogger, Daniela Forte.
The title of this post is exactly what I am struggling with right now. I was terribly hurt by a friend of mine recently and finding a way to forgive this person and letting it all go is a one day at a time process.
I have focused lately on all of the good I have brought to this person’s life and the kindness I know I bestowed during our friendship, and what it has done is make me as angry as ever.
Over the last couple of months as I have gone through the process of dealing with the hurt and frustration that has come from this, I have realized a couple of things that I hope that if any of you struggling with forgiveness and letting go can come away with.
Get a Good Support System: My friends and family are great. They have stood by me through all of it. They have provided their insight, their care and concern for what they know is best for me. They have sat with me and let me cry, scream and just process it as the days have gone on. It’s important that whenever you are struggling or dealing with something that you find a good support system with those around you, who will help you figure it out, think it through and be there when you feel like a puddle of mess.
Forgive Yourself: Ahh… this is a toughy. I am not here yet. In the last couple of months, I have agonized over every stupid decision I had made through the course of my friendship with this person, I have beaten myself, overanalyzed and just went over and over in my head everything I could have done differently. This has got to stop. We cannot beat ourselves up for things we didn’t know at the time later on. Every choice we make happens to teach us something, whether it’s good or bad. So please forgive yourself and be kind to you. You deserve it. Trust me.
Expectations are Evil: We expect people to act and behave in a certain way because we have acted and behaved in a certain way, and that’s not always the case. People will say and do what they want and sometimes its without regard to another person’s feelings. It leaves the hurt person saying things like, “But I did this… or I did that, why would they do this?” Well, quite simply, people are human and they make mistakes and sometimes they don’t realize the damage they have done until it is done to them. And even then, they are more consumed by their own crap to actually make the connection.
Connect within: Meditate, pray, do whatever you can to connect with yourself. Sit in silence and work through the anger, the sadness and allow forgiveness to flow through. This is a good time to remember your blessings and your gratitude for the good that is in your life. Reflect on that. Listen to your inner guidance and allow it to put you on the right path.
Change Your Perspective: I’ve said it time and time again, if you change your perspective, how you see a situation will change. Sometimes we see things as utter catastrophes, and that’s simply not the case. We think it’s the end of the world and we don’t know we can continue to go on each day. But we must. It’s all about what you allow yourself to think about, what energy you are putting into a situation.
Forgiving Them: You don’t have to forgive anyone you aren’t ready to forgive just yet. You have to allow yourself to grieve the loss like you would if you were experiencing a death (because at times losing a person from your life who hasn’t passed is very much like that). You can forgive on your own terms, and understand forgiving the person isn’t for them, it’s for you. It’s about releasing the hurt and anger from your grasp and being at peace with the circumstance. This doesn’t diminish how you feel about a situation or that they have won, it just brings you peace. Forgiving them also doesn’t mean they belong back in your life, not at all. At this point, if I ever forgive this person for the pain they have caused me, I don’t think we can ever be part of each other’s lives again.
You Don’t Lose People, They Lose You: I saw this exact quote on Pinterest the other day and thought, YEAH! We often blame ourselves (Guilty here!) or feel like the people who have inflicted pain in our lives is a loss to us, but it’s not. If you have been kind, been good to these people and they have still hurt you, losing them is not a loss, but a win.
Find the beauty in that.
image source – pixabay