Written by contributing blogger, Daniela Forte.
Don’t let the title of this blog post fool you, there isn’t anything wrong with being alone on Valentine’s Day. Or any day for that matter. Nothing. So why does our culture make it seem like being “alone” as in not in a relationship, not a Mom or Dad make you any less of a person?
It’s simple (or maybe not) we’re conditioned as a society that once you reach a certain age you must find a relationship, get married and have at least two kids in order for your life to look and feel complete.
For us women, it is almost like we are walking everyday with a biological clock ticking over our heads with time just slipping away.
Raise your hand if you have ever been in a group of people who either A. Ask you if you are married and/or have kids or B. Dating anyone.
If your answer is ‘No’ to both, you get that look like there is something wrong with you (you know the look…). It’s usually the married ones who ask you this, the ones whose lives have miraculously gone down the “right” path. It’s the same ones who say, “Are you on any dating apps?” “I heard… (Insert dating app here) … is good and so and so is on it and is getting married.”
Because these days, dating apps seem to be the only way to meet someone. It is like the tried and true traditional options are no longer viable. However, none of the people that have ever asked me the dating app question, actually went on a dating app to find their significant other.
I heard a line recently that was on point, “I’d rather be alone than wish I was alone.” It is so true. Do I always enjoy coming home to an empty apartment? No. Do I always enjoy watching all of my friends get married, have kids or enjoy being in relationships while I am having a hard time? No again. It’s not to say, I am not happy for their happiness, because I truly am, but I am personally getting restless in wonder about when my time will come.
I will not settle. I won’t do it. I will not settle for someone simply because I want to be in a relationship, I will not choose a less than stellar person just so I can say I have one now. I have seen some disastrous relationships in my lifetime where people who aren’t happy with themselves are in a relationship together.
Here are some additional thoughts on the matter:
You Need to Be Happy with Yourself First: I firmly believe this down to my core, if you are not happy with yourself, there is no way in HELL that you will be happy with someone else. Sure, you can have the relationship, but it won’t be healthy, because it will be riddled with A LOT of problems simply because you haven’t dealt with your own emotional baggage or found peace with yourself. When you aren’t happy with yourself, you lack the confidence to pick a partner who is good for you. You don’t recognize the good, because you aren’t feeling that great yourself.
You’re more than likely to pick people who will treat you terribly because they aren’t good people themselves, all the while thinking you deserve this.
Emotional Maturity Is Needed: Are you an emotionally mature person, do you have your shit together? If not, do not enter into a relationship until you are. When you are emotionally immature, you are more prone to involve yourself in a drama-filled relationship. Being emotionally mature is having compassion for others, being kind and trustworthy and not playing games.
You Are Not a Fraction of a Person Because You Are Alone: Like I mentioned above, people look at you as if you are less of a person because you aren’t in a relationship, are married or have kids. There is so much more to life than this, we have good jobs, great friends and our health, why should we have our lives dictated by this? You are a whole person just as you are and don’t let anyone make you feel any less than that because you aren’t on the path to holy matrimony.
There is More to Life than the Opposite (Same) Sex: Are there days where being alone it plagues us single girls and guys, sure. But to have your whole life revolve around the fact that you aren’t attached is not a way to live. If you have a full life filled with good friends, a loving family, your health, you have everything you need. Take up a hobby, take yourself out to eat every so often, buy yourself something nice, travel to your favorite places, read a book. Do something that makes you happy.
The Family Factor: I personally come from an ethnic Italian family, and the ones overseas don’t seem to understand my life. A girl like me at 35 should be married with kids, not living alone and working. The culture differences are astounding. My family here, they have stopped asking. My mother often tells me she prays for me to find a good man. The rest of my immediate family often asks, “What’s wrong with your generation.” At which, I reply… “I don’t know.” Overall, family is the worst. They want grandchildren, they want to see you settled as easily as they did, they don’t realize how much times have changed.
And Frankly… Life is Too Short: Worrying that you will end up alone in life or that by not being in a relationship makes you less of a person is just a waste of energy and time. We’re not here for very long so why stress yourself out over something you may not be able to control.
image source – pixabay